Double Nn Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links. If you click and make a purchase, I’ll earn a commission with at no additional cost to you. Read my full disclosure here .
What is a Pick Me?
The term “pick me” is a new phrase that is taking the internet by storm. Originally, it was used to describe a woman that does everything for the attention of the man. She does everything that a man desires so that he “picks her.” She is the female version of a “simp.” She is the woman that, if this was a school setting, would be almost out of her seat with her hands high in the air waving frantically for the teacher to chose her when he asks the class a question. She is doing everything she can for the man to pick her. She is the woman that looks down on other women for the way they dress simply because she believes that she is better than them. However, this original definition of a “pick me” is becoming obsolete. It is transforming into something else, something more sinister, something more all encompassing and less specific.
“Pick me” is now the term women throw on any woman that does anything to cater to a man. It can be a guy friend, boyfriend, fiance, or even her husband. If she is trying to treat them right, she is a “pick me.” Even, singing “Cater 2 U” can get you labeled as a “pick me.” Toxic femininity has taught women to think that wanting to give your man what he wants is oppressive and comparable to slavery, which is a complete mockery to the suffering and torture that many African Americans, Native Americans, and Hispanics experienced on this North and South American continent. Disagreeing with the independent woman mindset, single motherhood, submitting to your husband, and many other topics can get you permanently stamped as a “pick me.” Everything is considered empowering as long as it does not involve, in any shape or fashion, being under a man and speaking to his love language. This to me, is highly hypocritical.
If a man were to cater to his woman and buy her gifts, give her a massage, take her out on dates, and do other things that he knows she likes, he is not labeled anything by women. He is uplifted. He is given a trophy for being a good man. Why is it that when a woman does the same for a man, she is now considered old fashion and thirsty? What is wrong with doing what someone wants in order to strengthen the relationship or even to get in a relationship? Everyone inevitably wants something from someone. Most people would not be with someone if there was nothing in it for them. Why is it that many women get upset about having to give something to get with or stay with a man? Why is this now considered oppressive? This looks like a very one sided relationship. Though women are fighting for equal rights, they do not truly want it. If this were the case, they would do what their man wants as long as he did what she wants. But as soon as a man says he wants his woman to cook and clean for him, women refuse and say this is 2021 and not 1950. They recite lyrics about how they do not cook or clean but still have a ring. Sadly, that ring will not stay on for long.
Everyone deserves to be loved in the language they understand, even if it may not initially make sense to you. What satisfies one person, may not satisfy the other. Women need to respect that men have expectations in a relationship and have the right not to be with someone who does not give them what they feel they need. Everyone says to have standards, until it comes to men. Men do not have to change their standards. Just because some women believe that every man should automatically want them just because they are a woman does not mean a man should or has to. They deserve to be with someone who fulfills their desires and should not be shamed for wanting so. In addition, women who realize they need to please a man to be with a man should not be labeled as “pick me.”
A woman who has figured out the secret to healthy, long term relationships is doing the things that a man wants. She is not always expecting a man to kiss her feet. She does not demand to be put on a pedestal if she does not take care of her body or lets the house go. She knows that she also has to bring something to the table, and because she wisely chooses to please her man, she is the enemy of women. This is especially true if she tries to give advice to another woman by telling them to just cater to their man’s desires. If her advice is for a woman to lean into her femininity and be a pillar of rest instead of being loud, rough, and stubborn, she is a menace to the female community. She is not intelligent or wise, she is a “pick me” in the majority of modern women’s eyes. She is a nemesis to the progress of women in this society and is now the topic of forums like Lipstick Alley. God forbid if she makes a video talking about how a woman should treat a man! She becomes scum for pointing out another woman’s flaws. “What does this woman know? She should mind her own business. Let me do me! If I have to do what he wants then I don’t need a man,” said the single woman. However, is it this so called “pick me’s” fault for highlighting a detrimental road block that is keeping women for being married or leading women to divorce?
The majority of people do not want to be alone no matter how many times they try to convince themselves that they do not need a man. Inevitably, we are social creatures, and if you are of the heterosexual persuasion, you are going to want a life long partner. Some women may state that they will not be alone, they will have their children, but eventually, their sons and daughters will grow up and have a family of their own. They will, in due time, take that leap out the nest and begin building their own. Moreover, women should not put the pressure of a partner on their children’s shoulders. Children will never replace a husband. They simply cannot, and even if a woman states she does not believe she is replacing her husband with her children, she is subconsciously. Stating that she does not need an husband because she has children is a tall tale sign of this mentality.
In the end, I believe that bitter women are calling other women “pick mes” because they cannot handle the truth when wise women point out their unrealistic mindset when it comes to relationships. It takes a high level of maturity to admit being at fault, and many women in today’s age are still stuck mentally in their teens. Being high in physical age does not make you are automatically wise. That is a hard pill to swallow. Ultimately, the so called“pick mes” end up married while the foolish bullies die unfulfilled and alone.
